you're a mystery yourself

Friday, June 26, 2009

11:06 PM

its the last 3 days of my freedom..

actually, i've been busy all this while.. with BA club stuff, with the extra marking tt my CT gave me..

i'll take tt as gd training lahz.. although i'm feeling stressed over it..

bought this bumblebee after watching the 1st movie of transformers.. finally got the casing to keep it!

today just watched the 2nd movie of transformers.. n frankly speaking, the 1st one is still nicer..

the 2nd one is nerve-wrecking, a lot of fighting scenes, n quite a few dirty jokes..

the scene i like most is when optimus prime came back from the dead...

now i'm tempted to buy the optimus prime figurine.. but it cost $45 to $50!!

sobz.. no money..

&the beauty.

11:03 PM

i've not updated my blog for quite some time..
here are some updates abt wad i've been doing for the past few days...

met up with yiting for dinner, n we went bugis iluma for dinner. looking for a cheap place to eat wasn't easy, until we went to the top floor, where we saw this "noodle empire". the colours n style of the signboard reminded us so much abt restaurant city on facebook! after tt cheaper dinner, we went downstairs, to a place selling chocolate desserts. man are they good!

i ate this chocolate pancake with chocolate ice cream.. at first i thought the pancake wouldn't be chocolate, but i was wrong.. everything on the plate was chocolate flavoured! the only non-chocolate food was half a strawberry..

this was wad yiting ate.. same as wad we made together at yiting's house..

look at the chocolate inside oozing out!

anyway, these few days i've been going out with laogong when i was free. since laogong had the car to himself, he drove me to a few places tt we usually wouldn't go becoz of inaccessibility..

today, we went to east coast park! not to cycle, since i didn't want to sweat like a pig n dirty the car.. but we went to stroll along the beach n sat at the jetty for a long time to chit chat. after dinner at the food centre, we continued strolling.

nice nice pic of the sky!

after tt, since it was still pretty early, he drove to marina barrage. i wanted to go there for quite some time, but becoz it was pretty inaccessible, i didn't mention it. today was the perfect opportunity!

this is the view of the city skyline from the marina barrage.. pretty nice!

my dear laogong.. love him loads! =P

went home after spending quite some time chatting there.. n i saw..

this! the cat tt always loiters outside my house..

&the beauty.

11:33 AM

yesterday was thomas's wedding...
it is the first wedding i've attended of my fren's...
n it feels strange somehow.. watching him walk down the aisle with his newly wedded wife..
suddenly, it feels like a different world out there..

the pastor who said a few words before the newly weds were wedded, said some things tt are worth pondering over.

1. communication is impt, but there are 3 different aspects to communication: (i can't rem the first one), communicate intimately, n communicate encouragingly.
u don't just tell ur other half wad had gone on during ur day. it shouldn't be a commentary, but it should allow ur other half to know u better. let him/her know wad made u happy today, n wad made u unhappy today. tt's intimate communication.
to communicate encouragingly, it means tt u dun give names to ur other half. when u intro ur wife/hubby to ur frens, dun intro him/her as "ur maid". both parties have to work hard to keep the marriage going, n no one would feel worthy if he/she is labelled as "the maid".

2. keep ur marriage fresh, by going dating. work is always there, n saying tt u have "no time" is not a gd excuse not to spend time with ur other half.

3. no one is perfect. not even u. when u're not perfect, dun expect ur other half to be. if he/she make mistakes, just like u do too, forgive him/her before the day is over. cold war isn't going to help the situation. both would lose out.

the wedding was great. thomas was his usual self, n i can see tt he's really happy. as he put it, he was grinning so hard, his cheeks are aching. i'm happy for him.

will put up the photos when i have them...

&the beauty.

11:02 AM

i've come back from indonesia!

n i miss bali already..
the sun, the sea.. the tanning session..

oh well, back to life here..
have to concentrate on Arts Jam now..
n i have to pack my stuff..

gosh.. i hate this latter part..

i'll put up the photos soon, when i have the complete collections from tt few cameras..

&the beauty.

9:25 PM

i'll be flying off in abt 13 hrs..
have already finished packing yest..
i'm still a little worried, coz i'll be coming back alone..

oh well, i'll just treat this as a gd experience...
i can't wait to see angel!!!
n see how big her house really is.. lol..

&the beauty.

10:06 AM

its been another wk since my last update..

other than angel's surprise bday party last wed, going out with yiting this wed to timbre @ substation (for the first time in my life), n watching wolverine with laogong yest, there was nothing much tt had been going on.

have been reading n slping n watching tv n just plain rotting.
i have to start on learning malay..

now awaiting confirmation for my appt at tan tock seng hospital..
i hope it'll be very soon..

well.. another wk has passed..
one more wk to go..
n i'll be heading to indonesia!

&the beauty.

10:49 AM

finally, everything is over!
makes it sound like i had like a million exams to go through...
it really felt like it!

now tt exams are over, tt means i've ended my yr 3..
n this means.. my 3rd practicum is coming!
i've been posted to crescent girls this time.
its less convenient for me.. but i shall do my best.

yest was a crazy day.. it was the first time i stepped into sushi teh..
n the first time i tried lan gaming..
guess how many times i helped to win CS?
its a no-brainer qn.. only twice i think!
n i usually get killed first before i've even started shooting.. tt's so rookie right..
i hate sneak attacks from characters with knives! damn it..
the kind of feeling is like, u're dead before u even knew wad happened..
sucky feeling lorz..

oh well.. today will be a day filled with anticipation.. haha..
will post up photos after today is over =P

&the beauty.

1:27 PM

one paper is over..
there's another paper on the 28th..
n its fernando's..
scary!

tera says i'm too nice to my students..
m i really?
i just find tt its not worth getting angry over them..
even though they're noisy n they dun really listen to me..
only see them once a wk mahz..

oh well.. better finish marking their papers, then go study for fernando's paper..

&the beauty.

6:27 PM

i'm a happy girl... (^_^)

&the beauty.

9:42 AM

been quite some time since i updated my blog..
have finished all assignments, n now its the mugging period for exams..
20th n 28th.. seems like a long time.. n yet.. it feels so short as well..
wouldn't be doing much studying on 15th n 16th.. so i'm left with 5 days.. n with half a day on Sun spent on tuition, i'm left with 4 n a half days..

oh well, shall make the best out of it..

anyway, had been reading this article explaining top 10 common dreams.. so just post it here..

1. Faulty or lost items: your phone won't work, your car breaks down, or you can't find your husband.
This dream is alerting you to areas of your life that need repair or extra care right now. You may want to slow down and pay more attention to the realm of life indicated. For example, if you dream of your phone not working, notice how you are communicating to others now. Are you doing everything you can to get your message across in a positive way? If not, you may want to tune up this area of your life.

2. Money: you received a windfall, or you lost your savings in the stock market.
Money in dreams symbolizes what you value or find important in life. If you dream of suddenly receiving a sum of money, this indicates that you are at a time in your life when your values are becoming very clear to you. If you have dreams of losing money, you may be experiencing a time of feeling separated from your sense of meaning in life. Try to explore what has been important to you in the past to see if your values have changed or altered over time.

3. You find yourself back in the classroom, or you've failed a test.
This dream indicates that there is a challenge in your life and you fear failing. It also can mean that you may feel that you have regressed in some way and are not up to the task currently at hand. You may also feel judged or tested by an authority figure or someone who is in charge of you in some way.

4. You or a loved one is ill or dying.
You may be approaching a time of great change when some parts of your life are falling away and disappearing. This dream is helping you to practice the feelings of loss that you may be having as the elements of your life or your relationships with others change and evolve. It is rare that this dream forecasts an actual death or illness, but it still might be a good idea to get a checkup or pay extra attention to your health now.

5. Being chased.
Being chased in a dream indicates that you may be feeling you have a lot of responsibilities that you are having a hard time keeping up with. This dream is often known as a "stress dream," indicating that its presence is a sign to try to relax and slow down.

6. Teeth: you're smiling with nice, clean teeth, or your teeth are breaking off or forming cavities.
Teeth represent time, stability, and maturity. The state of the teeth in your dream will give important clues as to what your relationships and feelings are related to these important life themes.

7. Nudity.
Dreams where you or someone else appears nude relate to feelings of being exposed or vulnerable in waking life. You may currently be having an experience where everyone else seems to know about your problems and issues, and you are having a hard time processing your situation privately.

8. Falling, flying, or sinking.
Changing direction, either going up or down in a dream, indicates where your awareness is in waking life. Dreams of falling or sinking symbolize a time of being more aware of your unconscious mind and deepest innermost thoughts, feelings, and memories. Dreams of flying indicate that you are exploring your conscious mind at this time or connecting to the realm of spirits, angels, and other energetic beings.

9. Water
Water in dreams is a sign that a certain emotional situation or experience is of importance in your life. Now is a good time to pay particular attention to your feelings and the realm of the imagination, dreams, and fantasies. The condition or state of the water will give clues as to the exact nature of your experience. Hurricanes and storms can indicate more challenging emotional situations, and on the opposite side, gentle streams and lakes indicate a more calm and peaceful emotional state or even a love or romantic connection.

10. Missing a boat, plane, bus, etc.
Transportation vehicles in dreams symbolize the ability to move and act in the world. They represent our will, desire, and skill at accomplishing and manifesting our dreams and goals. When one of these vehicles is missing, it can mean that we are having a hard time finding the motivation to act and move in the world. We may need to reconnect with what drives or propels us into creatively manifesting our dreams.

Developing the skill to interpret and make the most of your dream messages is an easy and enjoyable process and can be done by just about anyone.

Quick Tips to Interpret and Benefit from Your Dreams:
1. Keep a dream journal near your bed to record your dreams.
2. Read through your journal once a week and underline repeating dream symbols, terms, people, and themes that arise.
3. Use the guide above to track your current emotional state and life issues, and notice the patterns and timing of their evolution.
4. Try to identify any dream symbols (cars, teeth, water) that appear in your waking life, noticing which appear with greater frequency and the nature of your interaction with these symbols. Is there any overlap between your waking and dreaming life?

taken from http://astrocenter.astrology.msn.com/msn/ArticleAstrologyHomeV2.aspx?sd=20090414&GT1=21001

&the beauty.

11:53 PM

almost 12am..
i'm still doing my work..
rarely still awake at this time, but i guess the long nap helped a little..
perhaps i should be resting, since my throat is still barely recovering..
but i'm on the roll now i guess..

its really been a long time since i felt so bleahz..
its one of the moments when i wish the world really is just abt me..
n someone is here to pamper me 24/7..
haha wishful thinking horz..

but i'm wondering.. how many days break should i take every time i have throat infection? wad will happen to my students?

i should insure my throat i guess.. lol..

but thanks for all the care n concern from my frens.. i feel loved =)

&the beauty.

12:00 PM

gonna be cooped up in my hole n doing essays..

n after exams, i'm gonna hibernate..

thinking too far le.. one step at a time first..

&the beauty.

3:07 PM

days where downs are more than ups...
common when assignments are due one after another rapidly...
these are times when i really want to give up.
but i've got through the past 5 sems.. i shouldn't give up so easily now.

i'm still wondering wad movie laogong is going to surprise me with..
its the first time he keeps me in suspence for this long..
not tt its irritating or wad, but i guess i'm naturally quite an impatient person..
but even though i've bugged him abt it for many times, he still refused to tell me..

&the beauty.

8:54 PM

today was like an almost close brush with death.
it left me a little shaken by how close it can be to meet death.
or see ur love ones meet death.

it was a road accident tt happened right in front of my eyes.
i saw the car banging straight onto the motorcycle.
n the guy falling onto the road n getting pinned by his bike.
it was lucky tt he could walk away with a few bruises n scratches.
but it was so damn close.
if anything else had happened, like for e.g. some other car knocked into the bike the 2nd time (touch wood), i think the guy wouldn't have made it out alive.

too close for comfort..
n i was so shocked after tt, it took me almost a min to take action n go towards the guy.

was still quite shaken when i reached sch.
but i pushed it to the back of my mind to concentrate on my lessons.
now thinking back, i worry for my dad.
i wish the motorbike wasn't his convenient method of travelling around.

&the beauty.

10:25 AM

ok just happen to come across this in facebook:
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

n here are my results..

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic (yep very true). When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person. (n yes, i've met that person =P)

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates (hmm is it?).

Your views on education:
You may not like to study (haha of coz!) but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job (how unusual can teaching be?).

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life. (oh yes, i hope i'm set for life)

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel. (that's new..)

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable (oh really? am i that scary?), with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

haha how true is this? perhaps most of it is true.. n maybe i just dun realise it..

n now i'm wondering.. wad is ppl's first impression of me?
no one had ever said anything abt this..

&the beauty.

11:08 PM

i read the story book, n i cried while reading it.

i watched the movie today, n i cried as well.

well owen wilson was, as usual, his funny self.

but i guess the attention was on the dog..

only one pity: the puppy stage was way too short!!

the puppy was supposed to be so cute!

n yet it was only for one-tenth of the show!!!!

anyway, wanted to go walking again after the movie.

but crying really takes my energy out.

so, we ended up going home after tt.

oh, i saw 5 new carebears in keychains!

but the price is still at $6.95..

yz suggested going mustafa to look..

i'm contemplating it..

&the beauty.

8:19 PM

someone once said tt once my semester starts, most of my posts would be on work..
sorry for being so boring.. heh.. when i get busy, nothing much will make life more interesting..

but recently, thanks to a particular someone, i've begun to like having night time walks..
its kind of relaxing.. like u have no commitments, no aims, just pure relieving of stress..
n there's a quiet listener as well when i need to grouch abt something..

the only bad pt though.. u end up staying up late, n it is never advisable to do it when u have an 8.30 class the next morning..

anyway, yesterday's ach class was filled with lots of nostalgic feelings abt doing source-based qns for hist.. reminded me so much abt how desmond lim used to force us to speak up in class, n using so many different sources to make sure we've understood his pt..

i miss being a student sometimes..

n i'm gonna miss studying life even more once i've graduated!
it is just a yr ahead!!

omg~~~

&the beauty.

12:13 PM

oh gosh..
its fri..

recess wk is ending soon!!
boo~

should stop staying out so late le..

looking forward to the bbq later!! shall post up photos when i'm back!!

&the beauty.

2:34 PM

recently watched this movie:

n i found it pretty interesting..

becoz the msg behind this movie was tt not all Germans are as crazy as Hitler.

even if they're fighting the war against the allied ctys, they are doing it to protect their cty, not for Hitler. n even the next-in-line of commanding position might not be so agreeable to Hitler's actions as well.

but it also showed how extensive Hitler's influence was.

as usual, the war scenes are like how war scenes will look like, i'm not gonna analyse the movie..

n dr rahil will probably be criticising the movie n foaming from the mouth if she watches it.. haha..

anyway, this is the first time i've watched a late night movie, n first time watching movie with yz, after knowing him for.. 3yrs? lol..

while waiting for the bus, (or rather, hoping tt we didn't miss the last bus) we saw a woman being chased by dogs near the "chopsticks" memorial.. n she was screaming her head off.. yz had to run halfway across the rd to guide her towards the other side of the rd.. pretty scary..

i only knew tt there were dogs just a few days before, while walking from bugis to esplanade park with yz after his jap lesson.. luckily tt time when we walked past, i only saw one, n it was just sitting on the grass.. i tot tt the woman was only chased by one dog, but according to yz, there were 3 big ones barking at her.. tt's really scary.. i wonder why the dogs were there..

anyway, some photos to share..

this pic might have been nicer if the background wasnt filled with construction..

this cat just simply loves my house too much.. i wonder why..

&the beauty.

11:50 PM

我一直以为我是比较理性的。
但原来，我还是有感性的时候。
他那一句"watever", 让我突然心里一阵痛。
也不知道为什么，突然很在乎。

我不是太敏感，
只是不知道发生了什么事。

他最后还是没有说明理由，但我知道是因为我的一句话。
我只能猜测。

我今天还是很开心。
那个地方真的很宁静。
我现在明白为何他喜欢在晚上出没。

&the beauty.

9:42 AM

a symphony of heels..
tt's wad i heard when i was walking along the pathway b/t the NEL n EWL at outram mrt..

n it reminded me so much of my Guiding days..
when i wished so much to be able to wear boots one day in a marching contingent..

will u bend to others' will under pressure?

&the beauty.

11:23 AM

Happy Chinese New Yr!

life is rather mundane..

its just work work work work n more work..

so nothing much to update i guess..

&the beauty.

2:46 PM

settle down.. be at peace.. settle down.. settle down..

i'm trying to psycho myself to start reading..
but its so hard..
just thinking abt the mountain of readings for just one module is enough to turn me off..
i wonder why my tutor likes to torture us with so much readings..
whenever he ask us whether we have read a certain bk, (which of coz we've not heard of at all), the standard line is:

"shame on u!"

talk abt motivating us..

haiz.. if he cuts down on the amt of readings he give us, we'll have more time to read those unheard-of books tt he always likes to read..

n if only exams can all be scraped..

how to enjoy studying like tt??

&the beauty.

12:10 AM

one wk of sch has passed..

its so difficult to go back to the hectic life.

only 3hr of fernando lessons.. n he has already given us 10 sets of readings..

n i have a grp presentation on mon..

but i have something to be happy abt..

i have a new idol!

haha.. sound so teenager-ish..

he is someone who's kung fu is as gd as jackie chan n vincent ng..

n he's one yr younger than me..

tt's him! 释小龙！

i'd watched his kung fu in the serial drama of young justice bao 2 & 3, n seriously, its so awesome to see him act. he look really cute when he was very young. now he has become xiao shuai ge liaoz. haha.. ok i'll try not to go gaga over him..

after finding his blog, i started on a frenzy of looking for the old shows tt he had acted in.. n woohoo~ i found quite a few! haha.. i even found the first series of young justice bao tt i had tried so hard to look for!

ok i should go n slp le.. i have tuition tmr..

&the beauty.

3:04 PM

its 2009!

looking back to 2008, i realised i've not accomplished much..
even during the hols, there's nothing much i've done..
done nothing major, barely able to finish my assignments, n don't have any aims in mind.
so disappointed in myself..

n wads the use of having resolutions if nothing is done to achieve them?
so i've decided not to have any resolutions.
i'll just be lying to myself.

but i do have one aim:
to work hard.

i have to push my standards up higher.
n learn to be strong. to take things in stride. to stand up quicker when i fall.

oh well.. perhaps all those can be called resolutions.

anyway, my timetable's out.
4 day week again.
but i bet.. i'll be going back to sch on fris for club activities.
right mel?

but my mons are the worse.
last class ends at 7.30.
really sianz.

ahh well, have to start preparing for start of sch..
fernando n blackburn.. perfect combi..
super siong + super slack = just nice
haha..

&the beauty.

11:09 AM

new song uploaded!

回家的路总是很远
话少得很可怜
一个人的晚餐
都是孤单的滋味
看见身边重复上演
属于我们的画面
选择逃避的眼
怎么还是会流泪

爱着你的每一天
你就是我的世界
那时候还以为
我就爱这一遍
没有你的每一天
快乐离我好遥远
心已随你走了
还能用什么感觉

我舍不得睁开眼睛
害怕身边没有你
也许在梦境里
是我们最近的距离
想念你温热的手心
冷风里把我握紧
当冬天又来临
这温度该怎么延续

谢谢你曾经爱过我
给我最美的经过
但生命最爱被剥夺
未来的路该怎么走

kind of saddened by this song..
but its really nice..
n it also reflects how anyone would probably feel when their loved ones are suddenly ripped from their lives..

heart-wretching pain.. tt's all i can say..

&the beauty.

11:25 AM

was looking through one of my younger cousin's blog..
he's back in hongkong anyway..
he graduated from sec sch liaoz..
its like, time flies so fast lahz.. haiz.. he's grown up le..

n suddenly, i feel so old..

i was reading a fren's posting..
n an onslaught of memories came flooding back..

i guess.. its impossible to escape from them..
they'll just come back n haunt u when u least expect them to..

i really have to shelf all the memories as much as i can.. keep them locked up.. n throw away the key..

&the beauty.

11:33 PM

人的一生
充满酸甜苦辣
顺遂与横逆
更是交迭循環
平凡的我们
只能以淡然处之
保持正向生活
面对自己的人生
请相信生命的真谛
只要用心品尝过的
就是幸福的滋味

getting emo these few days..
i'm glad i have gd frens who are willing to listen to me, n my loving laogong who supports me when i'm down.

my exam results are just average. not particularly bad, but not super good as well.
i'm not expecting much for the next 3 sems. just hoping tt i can maintain my gpa in my modules.
n i hope for the best for my practicum. they are the ones which will determine my fate.

i should really settle down n pack all my stuff.
not just physically, but emotionally.

&the beauty.

10:58 PM

10 most bizarre zoo signs..

&the beauty.

12:26 PM

ok its been such a long time since i updated after my exams..
shall do so now.. since i'm having my lunch..
its gonna be photo-intensive!

the day my exams ended, the grp of us went to angel's house for an early christmas celebration! since they're going to fly back to indonesia 2 days later, the 2 tjohandi sisters decided to organise one n invited their frens over.

this is my team, when we were playing "taboo" or something along tt line..

trying to guess the word..

tt's me, trying to describe a word.. the category i got was "world".. difficult lahz.. haiz..

dinner time! angel trying to teach us how to eat indomee.. is it tt difficult to eat indomee?

streaming into the kitchen, waiting for food..

yeah! food's ready!

tt's the paper xmas tree tt they created.. we were supposed to write down our wishes for xmas, n also write down nice messages to anyone who are present in the party.

the pile of presents tt were to be exchanged.. wayne received the notebook tt i bought, i received the waterbottle tt david bought.

the tjohandi sisters performing for us.. their voices are so gd!

me n tera babe..

me! with tiara in the background.. haha..

the hist students!! crazy bunch of us haha..

another crazy shot..

3 pretty ladies!

another shot.. haha.. i wonder how many we took altogether..

last grp shot!

went to volunteer my services for the Apera conference held in nie.. its a bigscale conference, with so many foreign delegates.. i was in the hospitality team, supposed to be mingling with the big shots n delegates..

tera, janna, huijing n i stayed overnight in the student hub for all 3 days.. arrived one day before the conference started to set up "camp".. no aircon though, tt's probably y we all did many crazy shots..

janna performing in her slping bag..

using the sofa seats as "surfboards".. n here tera goes with her snow cap on..

n janna is preparing to jump on..

n yep, crazy me.. after much persuasion from janna n tera..

after the first day of conference, went out for supper to alameen (at bukit timah) with the 3 pretty ladies n james as our "driver".. his car is so cool lorz!

james, with his "mouthful" shot.. his laughter is pretty infectious though.. so try not to be eating or drinking when he's around.. lol..

ordering food..

with huijing..

i ordered the black pepper chicken rice.. serving so big, tt i couldnt finish it..

5 of us shared the plate of tandori chicken.. janna's fav.. haha..

taken with quomariah, during the 2nd day of conference.. didnt take much photos after tt, coz quite busy running ard..

went out for late dinner (or early supper?) at west coast food centre.. the food's pretty nice!

janna's recommendation of mutton chop.. the food colouring is really red manz..

tera, jingyi n i sharing interesting stories abt our profs.. haha..

day 3 was really tiring somehow.. maybe becoz of the walking n serving of food etc..

at our "cove" having a much needed rest..

jingyi n james (with his funny face).

took funny shots with prof vivien huan.. haha she very cute one, told us very funny things..

dr isabella wong giving our last briefing, n teasing quomie with her "masala man".. haha..

taking photos on the stage.. the very serious shot..

the not-so-serious shot..

our jump shots.. james n jingyi can come out with very funny styles of jumping..

tera with her secret weapon.. 3 pairs of arms! reminds me of "lilo n stitch"..

taking funny photos again.. haha.. last day of bus duties..

with jingyi n huijing..

james included.. another funny shot..

one last "spooky" shot.. b4 we left sch..

went out with yiting abt 2 wks ago.. went to watch the chiwawa movie.. super cute lorz! after tt went for dinner.. yiting wanted to eat sakae sushi, but we found out tt the top floor of heeren was revamped totally.. so we ate a waraku instead..

yiting's curry chicken rice..

we shared this clam thingy.. quite nice..

n my seafood curry udon.. super big bowl.. couldnt finish..

no more photos, but just a few more outings to update..

went out with mel to sangri-la hotel to eat our long-awaited dessert buffet.. $31 per pax.. well it was pretty nice environment, n the food's mouth-watering, but most of it is choco, so end up we din eat much.. there was free flow tea of 102 kinds for u to choose from, we only drank 2..

after tt went shopping.. n wow.. first time i see a guy shop even more than me.. haha.. i think he spent at least $200 on just shopping.. not counting the buffet.. but it was an interesting experience going out with him.. makes me feel less guilty abt my own shopping sprees =P

ba club work is starting.. need to send in official emails etc for the bazaar.. if really kenna 9 feb 09 tt wk, i'll be working through my bday.. lol.. after tt ba club meeting, went for lunch with ong hui, florence n samartha.. the 3 of them like to call me "wanyee jie".. n mel wanted to do the same.. but i told him tt if he dare to, i'll slap him.. do i really look tt old?? haiz..

&the beauty.

10:05 AM

after so many weeks of hard work...

it is time to relax in front of the computer... (n play facebook...)

have a small celebration or party with ur frens...

run across the beach, screaming for joy...

spend time with gd frens...

or simply, just have a gd long slp...

if only this can go on forever..

haha..

oh well, i'm glad exams are finally over.

looking forward to doing all the things i wanna do..

&the beauty.

10:23 PM

2 days..
n i'll be done.

gd luck to all.

n gd luck to myself..
i'm going to need it badly..

thanks ej,
even though ur comments stressed me up in the end,
it was for the gd.
i suddenly realised,
i've dropped from my potential.
ur words were like the rain tt came right on time (及时雨) ..

i hope the "showering" tt u gave me will help me ultimately.

sorry i couldnt return the favour though..
if u ever need words of "wisdom" from me, just ask..
haha..

n i hope u can get a gf soon..
so tt u won't be so crappy..
u really havent changed since pri sch..

&the beauty.

8:22 PM

went to a few bday parties over the past few wks..
all celebrating 21st bdays..
n suddenly, i regret not having a huge party n invite all my frens..

but then.. tt day is already way over..
haha maybe make up for it on my 22nd bday?
tt's weird lahz..

oh well.. i'm thinking too much..
i still feel tt my mind isnt on my studies..
in one small corner of my brain, memories are churning..
returning to the yr before..

n i find myself wishing.. tt time can really turn back..

there're many things i want to do after exams..
i hope i can really finish the things i want to do before the next sem starts..

&the beauty.

6:36 PM

When Mr Right comes at the wrong time- Janice Wong, ST, 31 Jan 2005

Timing is everything, even in love. And when you are not ready to commit, you could end up regretting it.

SOMETIMES, timing rather than love decides who we end up being with - or without. Only some lucky people marry the loves of their lives. The rest marry the most suitable person who comes along when they are ready to settle down. A friend in his 20s came to this conclusion after confiding in me that he had recently met a woman who is more attractive than his wife, and so occupies his thoughts more often than his wife does. 'If only I had met her before I got married,' he said wistfully. But I think even if the love of one's life appears when one is single, one may not be in the right frame of mind to recognise him or her as such. And then love passes by.

Life is littered with near misses and lost opportunities. I attended my ex-boyfriend's wedding last month, which triggered many memories. We met five years ago when I was 23 and he 31. It was love at first sight. He had an established career, was down-to-earth and steadfastly religious. I was then working as an air stewardess and my head was - literally and metaphorically - in the clouds. I was also - well, let's put it this way - not religious. Despite our differences, we were soulmates. We had the same quirky sense of humour and shared long, intense overnight conversations.

But human nature is perverse. When someone is excessively nice to us, we start taking things for granted, instead of appreciating them even more. My ex sent me to the airport, fixed my PC, reminded me to take health supplements - and go to church. He had everything I could want in a husband - except that I was not looking for one. A boyfriend was all I could cope with then. I loved fast cars, danced wildly at Zouk and took off on shopping holidays at a whim. My life revolved around I, me and myself. In the six months that we were together, he popped the question several times and talked ad nauseam about having children. He wanted us to enrol for a Christian marriage preparation course. Yes, I did often fantasise about a Vera Wang wedding gown, but I was at that stage of my life when I was more interested in Guess than Baby Guess. And where - dare I admit it? - I still wanted to meet other men. So I was a 23-year-old with the emotional maturity of a 13-year-old. Responsibility? Wasn't that for adults? In short, I met Mr Right at the wrong time. The more he talked about marriage and religion, the more I felt pressured and the more pressured I felt, the more irritable I became. I was too impatient to compromise. Every trivial matter blew up as a big deal. My mood obliterated the good in our relationship and reached a point where I just wanted out. He was heartbroken; I was sad but relieved.

He still called me regularly, beseeching me to change my mind. The calls stopped finally after a year. Now and then, we say 'Hi' via e-mail. I had a few painful relationships after that. Served me right, as those rude wake-up calls were necessary for me to realise the meaninglessness of my hedonistic high life. I missed the tenderness of my ex and began having second thoughts. Perhaps I also felt more urgency to find someone marriageable before my biological clock reached zero hour. It dawned on me that I am not a pixie like Peter Pan who can flit around forever. One day, I'd wake up sick and alone when my fair weather friends flit away. But I was too proud and too unsure of my ex's reaction to call him until last year. The first thing he told me excitedly was that he had found The One. My heart tumbled to my feet. So, that's Fate.

If only I could turn back time. If only I had met him later. If only... what feeble words.

These days, I am more circumspect. I have come to terms with my loss. There is nothing I can do about timing, but I can do everything about my choices. Sometimes, when the nights get lonely, I toy with the idea of marrying a platonic friend of mine, who often assures me earnestly that, if the worst comes to the worst, he'd be willing to marry me. But I always dismiss that. I have already made one mistake. I should not make another by settling for second best merely for the sake of getting hitched - only to regret it soon after, as the guy who confided in me did. Hopefully, the best is not over but yet to be.

How many times has Mr/Ms Right come into your life, but at the wrong time?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
just saw this article by chance..
i hope this wouldn't happen to me.. or to him..

可是，我又再想到，我是不是在错的时候遇上他？
很多的“如果”是很难得到答案，
但我很想知道，
我们如果在另一个时光遇上，
我们会有可能吗？

&the beauty.

10:27 AM

wanted to post up photos taken during tera's 21st bday..
but not much time n mood to do all these..
my last assignment is due today, already done n going to sch later for the last lesson.

should be getting ready for exams, but feels so lethargic.
there's still an interview later for EwB.

i hope i can get in.
but at the same time, i'm afraid i will get in.

no longer becoz of worrying abt how he feels.
but becoz of money.

&the beauty.

12:08 AM

wanted to have a gd slp on the long busride back home..
but just 2 stops after i got on, a man sat beside me, when there were still empty seats around.
i was really really trying my damnest hard not to spring up from my seat n just find another seat. n i succeeded.
i regreted succeeding in pushing down tt urge.
just 5 seconds after he sat down, he started shifting inwards.
so i shifted in as well.
n i stiffened up just so tt i wouldnt be accidentally bumping into him when the bus turns.
n i tried to slp.
but no, this man refused to let me have a gd slp.
he shifted inwards again.
at this pt, i stared at the man, trying to give him tt evil eye.
but either he was really not giving two hoots abt me, or he's just so dense.
he just stayed in tt position.
so i shifted in again.
n tt bloody idiotic man shifted again.

n i spent the whole journey home sticking to the window.

i think the guy seriously has no inkling abt the concept of personal space.
esp a girl's personal space.
is he really thinking tt i'm giving him space to move in?

i wonder wad will happen if i shouted molest on the bus.

hmm.. i dun think i dare to.. unless he really reach out n touch me or something..

oh well.. i wanna slp now, but i still have to read up on iraq..
i hope dr fernando wouldn't target me tmr..
*prays hard*

&the beauty.

11:38 PM

i'll always rem jjc's sch motto..
SDSM..
Self Discipline, Self Motivation..

i'm so lacking in both..
i wish i'm not so dependent on my laptop..
sometimes.. technology makes things worse for me..
haiz.. i should stop blaming other things n take things in stride..

but i really wish.. i have more time in my hands..

&the beauty.

11:57 PM

Education Without Borders..
my one n only chance i guess..
i'm praying hard tt i can go..
but somehow.. part of me is still hesitating..
even though its only for 5-6 days..
it's not even as long as one mth..
n yet, i'm afraid tt once i leave, something will happen.
its still far ahead, n i'm probably thinking too much, but there's this nagging feeling inside me..

i wish i can throw myself into work n just forget abt everything else..
if only i can..

&the beauty.

10:42 PM

its been weeks since i last updated..

not really feeling motivated to update..

my brain had probably been working overtime, to the extent tt it has shut down at a time when it is supposed to be working at its hardest..
damn this excuse isnt going to work.. at least not to my tutors..

&the beauty.

2:31 PM

recently has been going out every few days to break fast.. n i think i've spent a huge sum on just eating.. n to think tt i thought i could save money this mth becoz of one less meal everyday..

anyway, mel n i went to kuishin-bo at jp yest.. he'd helped me to pack the ba club cupboard, which was in a mess after everything we owned as a club was cramped into one cupboard.. we had no choice but to cramp coz we had to let go of one of our cupboards.. haiz.. at least we managed to complete everything..

mel enjoying his lobster.. haha he managed to get it twice during the special hour.. so each of us had one each..

n yep tt's the special hr lobster.. i think its the first time i ate one.. if i had eaten one before, i think i was too young to rem..

i couldnt eat much lahz, perhaps becoz my metabolism rate had dropped, so my appetite dropped as well. didnt get to enjoy the desserts.. but this was the amt of desserts tt mel actually consumed..

didnt take photos of the snow crab n prawns tt we ate.. really very nice! n all the sushi.. gosh.. i had to drink chamomile tea to sooth my stomach though.. coz ate too much cold food..

back-dating, went out with a bunch of girls plus one guy to sempang bedok to break fast at a restaurant.. can't rem the name offhand, but the food is quite nice! i ordered green curry with rice, n hot lemon tea.

just thinking abt all the food is making me drool..

ahhh i should be concentrating on my work.. been slacking even though i'm suppose to be doing fernando's essay on cold war.. sobs~ i'm still pretty lost abt how i should start my essay.. i think i'll have to stick to the generic way.. sighs..

&the beauty.

10:37 PM

its recess break.. finally..
but tt also means tt i have only abt a mth left to finish all my assignments n project work..
i'm really a perssimist..

laogong found an interesting website..
Rum and Monkey: The Name Generator

hehe.. i have a jap name now..
浜野弓美 Hamano (seaside field) Yumi (beautiful bow, as in bow and arrow)

nice horz? =P

&the beauty.

9:11 AM

having hist class now..
hard time trying to absorb all the info abt the fall of communism..
but its awesome to see ppl's power at work..

stress from fernandao..
he's expecting an essay outline on cold war next wk..
haiz..
i need to stay awake longer..

&the beauty.

10:58 PM

can't seem to concentrate once my stomach went empty..
found myself drifting ard the house, trying to look for something to do so tt i won't grab the box of marks n spencers cookies..
why do i feel so disoriented n unfocused this time?

was talking to my fren abt long term r/s..
another fren broke up with her bf after being together for at least 3yrs..
n it got me thinking..
how do u realise whether u've become too used to the person?

i've always feared tt, n i still fear it..
yes there're gd guys ard, just tt i dun feel anything more than friendship for them..
is tt why i stayed with him? becoz there're no other choices?

no its not.
i know its not.
n i'm still trying to convince my mum tt he's the one for me.

i realise, afterall, she still can't accept him..

&the beauty.

10:52 PM

i received my 1st teachers day card today.. even though its 2 days early, but my students gave me one today.. i was really surprised n touched.. n i was suddenly very glad tt i was teaching them..

even though there were times when i wondered whether my efforts were to be naught.. i realised tt to know tt i meant something to them, was the greatest form of appreciation tt they could give me.. of coz if they can come out with very gd results, it would be the best, but as long as they've really made the effort, i'll be really satisfied.

there's a lot of work tt i need to do.. just finished one tutorial, another is coming up next wk.. i've gone through one sem only half-motivated.. n up till now.. i still cant get myself focused.. i'm still trying.. n i'm hoping tt i can snap out of it soon..

&the beauty.

10:24 AM

dr rahil used to confuse b/t me n jeanette..

dr fernando recently addressed me as wan hua..

is my name tt difficult to remember??!!

sze jia said i should change my name to "wendy"..

no way m i going to do tt..

I WANT TO PRESERVE MY IDENTITY!!

&the beauty.

12:01 AM

there was a bazaar in sch a few days back, n the person who was doing palm readings was back.
heard from my frens tt the guy quite accurate in terms of talking abt personalities, so i decided to try it out.
n well.. i do agree tt his words were quite true.

1) i am a very logical person. (but like wad the guy said, life isn't logical sometimes)

2) i am a very efficient n organised person, so i'm suited for being the leader. (yes i can be organised, but tt doesnt mean i can be a leader)

3) becoz i'm so efficient, i won't get sacked by my boss, but i'll likely sack my boss. (erm.. i can sack my boss mehz..)

4) i'm rather stubborn n bull-headed. (hehe quite true lahz..)

5) i'll likely end up alone in the future. (either as a nun or a widow *touch wood*)

6) i have a strong aura. (erm.. does tt explain why ppl always stare at me when they see me? wad colour is my aura anyway?)

7) i can get misunderstood by ppl very easily. (gosh i didnt know tt..)

8) i have 男人缘, which means i get along well with guys. (yah i know tt, i thought it was just becoz i'm a tomboy, or a guy stuck in a girl's body..)

9) i'm a money attractor, which means either i'll earn a lot of money, or my hubby will earn a lot of money. (basically saying tt i can become a tai-tai next time.. hehe.. i dun mind tt =P)

10) i got no 孩子缘, which means i got no luck with children. (this doesn't mean tt i won't have children; i'll likely not be close to my children, or they'll likely be overseas most of the time n they won't reach back home in time to see me for the last time, i may have a hard n long labour when i give birth as well)

11) 2010 will either be my boom or bust, but it'll be highly likely to be a boom yr for me. (2010 is when i graduate.. i hope this means i'll get very gd grades..)

12) i'm compatible with laogong, but both of us are quite stubborn, so i have to learn to give way. (this is base on our birthdates lahz.. but laogong isnt very stubborn lehz..)

ok tt's all i can really rem lahz.. i'm taking it as a pinch of salt.. but this pinch of salt is very ex lehz.. $25.. haiz..

&the beauty.

10:43 PM

sch has started a week ago, n i'm already buried up to my neck for work. all the assignments, projects n tutorials are set on paper, n i have 3 exam papers at the end of the sem. its scary, n even though i'm supposed to have been used to this hectic life, i still dread it.

one of my lects was talking abt reflecting, n thinking abt reflecting. when my tutor quoted an e.g. tt she had, i suddenly realised why i had never been able to remember stuff in my textbooks n notes etc. its not really becoz i'm scared, but its becoz i've never reflected on wad i've learnt in my lessons on tt day itself, n i pushed my revision almost to the last min every time. i always find excuses for myself tt i didnt have time to revise, tt i need time to rest etc, but to tell the truth, i just didnt like to study. n perhaps i still don't. i claim to love history, but i've never really revised work or reflected on wad i've learnt in class.

so wad am i interested in? wad spurs me on?

i still dunno.

n i realise.. i dun really know myself.

&the beauty.

10:18 AM

quite some time since i updated my blog.. shall backdate then..
12th july went to the UNAS forum.. quite interesting.. but looong forum lahz.. hehe.. as usual, a lot of ppl left halfway.. left mel n i still listening to the forum.. coz someone impt recognises us.. bleahz.. =P
anyway after tt, mel n i went walking ard, then met his friend to have dinner together. they chose to have dinner at this place called cedele. the waitress was quite blur lahz.. she came over to serve us a dish when we were still ordering from another waitress, then she came to our table at least 2 more times with dishes tt wasn't ours. so mel's friend kidded tt if the waitress comes again, we'll just say its ours.

yep tt's the paper mat.. a lot of facts on herbs etc. tt they use in the restaurant.. seems to be healthier choice liddat.. supposed to have a lot of gd qualities to help our bodies..

this is wad i ordered: rosemary sea salt chicken. i dunno whether the salt really came from the sea.. (if it is, i hope its clean) it taste pretty nice actually, worth the price.. n i ate some of the vege for once! haha.. there's fried potato something as well, really nice too!

this is my dessert, named as "we love choco!" yep i chose this becoz there's supposed to be a lot of choco! the brownie n biscuits were ok, the fruits weren't, coz the kiwi was sour! bleahz.. mel's friend ordered chili choco, i didn't dare taste it..

n this was their water pitcher! so interesting, when we asked for our water to be refilled, the waitress gave us this water pitcher, to refill ourselves. so i thought, if water refilling is self-service, they should reduce the service charge tt they're charging us.

moving on to last thur, went to jjc with xingle n mingchee, to talk to handsome ng. after tt went jp with xingle for shopping, n we went fei cui for dinner!

century egg and lean meat porridge

hokkien fried rice (interesting, a little bit like mui fan)

garlic prawn (really yummy!)

n lastly, coffee chicken (i forgot the full name).. salty, but special taste!

oh well, times of enjoyment have passed by rather quickly, n a new yr is starting tmr. i must work really really hard to maintain or pull up my gpa.. i want to get my $5000!!

&the beauty.

11:17 AM

5 wks.. n practicum is over..
sudden nostalgia.. i do miss the sch afterall..
but i'm glad i'll be back to studying..
i'll have the rest of my life to work in sch..

now in sch.. helping for the freshman orientation camp..
my days are super packed..
yiting is coming back soon.. i can't wait to see her again!

&the beauty.

9:59 PM

不知不觉，四个星期过了。
多一个星期，实习就结束了。
多了轻松感，也有一点舍不得。
同事都对我很好，学生就算很坏，也不会太离谱。
很希望明年还能回去。

最近看到一个女生的部落格。
她的字句，让我流下泪水。
我突然觉得，自己是幸福的。
虽然我们的爱情已少了那份初恋的激情，但至少，我还是感觉到他对我的爱。
至少，他还是健康的。
至少，他还是快乐的。
至少，他还是活着的。
所以，我不能把他当做理所当然。
如果有一天，他突然离去，我不想他带着遗憾而离去。
我要他知道，我每天都爱着他。
就算他不是完美的，我还是一样会一直爱着他。

&the beauty.

9:54 PM

went to URA today with the students..
it was a pity tt the students didnt have time to explore the exhibits fully.. the info on the boards in URA are so much more than wad textbooks can offer to the students!
i felt like i'm a shepard, like pushing the "sheep" back into the pen at the end of the day. but its hard to have the cake n eat it sometimes, becoz the guide was making the effort to explain all the things to the students, n if they dun move on quick when the guide moves, they're going to miss out on the guide's explanations. i felt quite bad pushing them, n i kept telling them tt they would have time after tt to explore the exhibits more thoroughly. sadly, the students only had 10mins in the end, n i doubt they were able to explore fully to their satisfaction. at least for me, i felt tt i would love to stay there for one whole day.

wk3 in sch is ending soon. another reflection awaits.
haiz.. even though its a kind of process to improve ur own teaching, i dread writing reflections..

&the beauty.

9:53 AM

went balithai with xingle n febrin at westmall yesterday! finally met up with our dear father febrin after so long huh.. haha rare to see him in slippers n berms instead of pants n his black slim canvas shoes..

anyway, this should be tapioca chips tt was served to us as starters.. quite gd to crunch on when u're waiting for ur food, taste gd with the chilli tt came with the chips!

i ordered thai ice tea.. when xingle drank it at the 1st instance, she was like, "isnt this teh tarik?" gave me a scare, but after i tasted it, i told her its not, its sweeter than teh tarik.. but well.. nothing very very special i guess haha..

standard food tt most ppl will order when eating at a thai restaurant.. thai pineapple rice! normal lahz actually.. its not tt superbly gd or wad, but still quite nice.

this is the best of all.. thai green curry! we ordered 3 servings of rice, n i put a lot of green curry on top to eat. yummy!

this is toufu hotplate, its quite common, but not bad too!
there was a last dish tt came so late, we completely forgot abt it until it came after we've finished everything else! didnt get to take photo coz we were quite hurried to leave, so just finished it. its nice too, although the chicken was quite "thick-skinned", as xingle put it.. haha..

will be meeting up with them on wed again, coz had to discuss the sichuan project with the whole committee. glad tt laogong is willing to join us! =) love u!

&the beauty.

9:41 PM

i've not updated for quite a while..
so shall update from last wk's gathering with the asean club..

received a msg from sze jia, inviting me to the asean club retreat.. i didnt realise tt i would be the only non-member until i reached there..

anyway, this was the place where we ate: sour puss! its located at the esplanade. apparently, the rest of the asean club have been there b4, n they highly recommended this restaurant. n after eating the food, i agree with them. the food is super nice!

for starter, the 4 of us shared this plate of satay.. its really nice, n wasnt as "charcoal-y" as the normal satay.

i ordered this: masala fish n chips. its really special, tasted real nice! some of them ordered soft shell crab, n i'm gonna try it next time =P

this drink is called mocha momma.. i wonder why they added the "momma" behind.. but its nice too!

after one whole wk, met up with the ba club for dinner! was looking forward to it coz its my chance to relax n have nice food again!

we went to mad jack! bukit timah area, highly recommended by melvyn. n his recommendation is really gd! look at the sign board, u can already imagine how tempting the food are.

i ordered grilled chicken (healthier choice), with black pepper sauce. yummy yummy!

n this is actually mixed fruit juice (forgot wad fruits are inside).. but guess the names they can come out with.. this glass of fruit juice is called "stimulator".. tasted a little sour, but refreshing. n no, i dun feel smarter even after one day..

n this is my dessert.. "mad n rich"! n yep, its really rich in chocolatey taste, with the vanilla ice cream complimenting the rich choco taste! really my fav!!

so now i have 2 more places i can go with laogong for gd food =P

one wk of sch observation is gone, n my 2 days of wkends just passed liddat. tmr is another wk of observation. i really wonder.. how did my teachers go through everyday of stress n lack of slp?

&the beauty.

2:13 PM

every time i close my eyes
i'm haunted by memories
each time i see them
i can feel the weight of those memories
i can't escape from them
no matter how much i try to burn them away
they're like the grass
growing again n again
their roots clinging onto my brain
refusing to let go

its bullshit when they say tt memories will fade with time
its not possible for me to ignore, or forget..

&the beauty.

10:17 PM

went out with yiting again just a few days ago, to vivo again haha.. this time it was for 2 purposes: to buy the things we need (for her hongkong trip n for my sch experience), n to enjoy gd food at hogsbreath cafe!

tt's us, in an empty cafe (yes empty at 6pm!!), waiting for our food n drinks to arrive.. wanted to enjoy the scenery from the floor length windows, but it was a little marred by all the construction still going on.. *sigh* nvm we shall go back there again when all the construction at sentosa is finished!

this is wad i ordered.. tex-max combo! with something like a spring roll (with chicken shreds inside), n beef steak. tasted so nice when its medium-rare! their fries were so freaking nice too! n it was the first time i finished most of the salad.. haha..

n this is wad i ordered for my drink.. forgot wad its really called, mango-something.. haha.. something like margarita, but instead of salt ard the glass, it was sugar. tasted nice!

yiting ordered this jamaican chicken.. there is mango sauce or something on the chicken, n it tasted heavenly! they used the breast meat, but its not super dry when eating it. the mango taste enhanced the overall feeling of eating it!

n this is her mudslide, choco with kopi with alcohol.. (forgot wad kind of alcohol was inside haha)..

well now i'm listening to "i do", westlife's version of it (i'm not sure whether it was a resung version or not).. its the perfect song to be used when a guy wants to propose marriage to a girl.. *major hint to someone*.. anyway, i've received 1 wedding invitation (first time i got one, although its a bit unofficial), n got news tt one of my frens got proposed to recently. makes me wonder.. when will my sis get married? according to her, it'll be in 2yrs, but i wish its earlier =P so tt i got excuse to buy something nice for once!!! well as for me.. erm.. i think can still wait for another 7yrs.. ok this number keeps changing lahz, when the time comes, everyone will know.

tell me can u feel my heart beat
tell me as i kneel down at ur feet
i knew there would come a time
when these two hearts would entwine
just put ur hand in mine forever
for so long i have been an island
when no one could ever reach these shores
n we've got a whole life time to share
n i always be there, darling this i swear

so pls believe me
for these words i say are true
n don't deny me
a lifetime loving u
n if u ask will i be true
do i give my all to u
then i will say i do

i'm ready to begin this journey
well i'm with u with every step u take
n we've got a whole lifetime to share
n i'll always be there
darling this i swear

so pls believe me
for these words i say are true
n don't deny me
a lifetime loving u
n if u ask will i be true
do i give my all to u
then i will say i do

come on just take my hand oh come on
lets make a stand for our love
but i know this is so hard to believe
so pls

so pls believe me
for these words i say are true
n don't deny me
a lifetime loving u
n if u ask will i be true
do i give my all to u
then i will say i do

&the beauty.

10:28 PM

so many things are falling on the 14th.
i have tuition.
i have a meeting at IMH.
n i have another meeting with aisha.

all clashing up.

sad i say, i have to sacrifice my meeting with aisha, no matter how badly i wanna attend tt meeting n listen to her plans for the arts jam.

as for the meeting at IMH, no its not becoz i have something wrong mentally.
its just tt the sikkim project will finally be rounded up officially with tmr's event.
to tell the truth, i still dunno wad will be happening, just tt there's a lot of painting to be done.
but the prob is, my tuition at bukit batok ends at 12.
n i'm suppose to meet the rest of the team at 12 at IMH.
even if i can fly, i can't go from the west to the east in one min.

great.. just great..

i hope i can leave earlier from tuition tmr.

&the beauty.

10:29 PM

突然觉得，自己很难开心起来，好似生活少了些什么。
少了动力，少了激励。

时间过得真快，每次觉得好像刚考完试，但再想想，再过两个星期，我就要去学校开始实习了。
已过了一个多月，但我没做很多事。犹如一天过一天，没有目的，没有计划地生活着。
时间都去了哪？

&the beauty.

6:50 PM

haiz..
its the hols, n i feel bored..
not drinking coffee makes me feel tired more easily..
but at least i dun get headaches lahz..
trying to find more meaningful things to do, like reading books etc..
but so far, havent succeeded in sitting down for hrs on end, reading my bk.
i can't go back to how it was when i was young.. i was able to read bk after bk for hrs n hrs, not moving from my spot becoz i was so absorbed in the bk.
maybe its becoz i've been reading a lot of notes when i was studying, so now i would prefer not to read..

been to vivo city yesterday n today.. n tmr i'm going there again with yiting..
haha 3 days in a row.. tt's a record..
but its ok lahz, at least its nearby, so not a prob for me :P

packed my clothes today.. my cupboard looks so much neater now!
but i realised i really have a lot of clothes..
oh well.. girls will never complain of having too many clothes.. :P

&the beauty.

6:24 PM

i bought something for myself today..
n i'd struggled for a long time before deciding to buy it..
in the end, i did..
becoz..
my laogong need his psp back..
so..
i bought a psp slim for myself!

feel happier now..
its like one less thing to worry abt or wad..

now.. its time for me to worry abt something else..
the finance report..
ahhhhhhh i really regret being the treasurer!!!

&the beauty.

8:43 PM

went to watch Ayat Ayat Cinta just now.. its an arab movie (if i'm not wrong), n it was a rather dramatic movie, but also portrayed the islamic law on polygamy marriage. i realised how liberal singapore already is compared to the middle east ctys, where dating is rarely done, n arranged marriages are rather common. but even though i know a little bit more abt islamic laws etc, i'm still a little unprepared for the future.. i guess i'll take a few more yrs before i can settle down in a more.. spiritual sense..

was reading the news abt the sichuan earthquake.. n there was news tt a lot of schs collapsed during the quake becoz of the inferior building materials used in the construction of the sch buildings, n tt was why the schs collapsed so easily. this news is enough to make me feel anger. so many students n teachers could have survived, if the sch buildings had been stronger to tahan the quake. n yet, becoz of corrupt officials, the sch buildings are built with inferior materials, n thousands of students n gd teachers died, becoz of these corrupt officials. they deserve to be hanged, for indirectly killing so many ppl.

i think some of u may have seen a utube video on a chinese girl commenting abt the sichuan earthquake.. this girl is so inhumane, i wonder why she hasn't been struck by lightning or something. it is one of the rare times i wish harm to befall on a person. n if u read the abstract below, i believe u'll feel anger also.

[/四川受震的朋友们，大家好，我呢是来自、来自一个辽宁的一个普通的，一个说小女孩儿吧，啊~我对你们说，四川受震吧，也有一个，怎么说，表示同情吧，说不上；开心吧，也说不上。有点幸灾乐祸的感觉，说实话就是这种感觉的。

额~~~~~~你们这边受震了吧，看电视什么的，也看了，但我不是故意看的，一打开电视，全部都是演的那些砸死的呀、砸伤的呀、烂了的呀，都是这些玩意儿。不想看吧，一打
开电视，总是这些东西，我不看也没有办法。

你说这些破玩意儿吧，整的网站上、网页上也都没有色了，你以为我们都是色盲啊？像你们一样啊？你们是不是演戏戏觉细胞都给砸糊涂拉？啊？唉~（高贵的摆头、叹气），你们说你们一个个儿的，你们在里面砸着，就老实呆着的，你们还喊什么喊，呼什么救啊？

其实这个吧，我觉得也不赖你们，主要是在中国吧，你们四川所处的地理位置不好，你们人家哪边印度板块挪动，给你们叽哩的，你们说你们是不是活该，啊（蔑视的反问）？

地震呢，我看还是震幅不够，这震幅要是再大一点，给你们整个翻过来，你们就不用来劲了，一个个今天又要给你们默哀，明天又给你们捐款的，啊~~？！你说5月21号是多好的日子呀，人家赶08年结婚的人多多呀，你说这回还得给你们默哀，这人家是结（婚）还是不结？你说多给人掉链子的事儿啊？

唉~（很无奈的叹气），你说5月20号、5月21号这么好的日子全给你们悼念去了，你们一个个才死多少人呐？中国人那么多，一个个死的养的都没给你们占死的啊（方言听得不是很真切~大家听明白的，欢迎补充）？操你 ma，都给你们整死才好呢，傻B玩意儿一个个的。

你们说你们是长得好看呐，还是哪块肉遭人稀罕呐？为你们捐款捐吃的，是不是都闲着的了？哼~哎呀~（无奈而轻松），你说一天到哪都听到你们这些B事儿，走到哪都听人说：“哎呀，四川又地震拉，四川又哪个……”。

你说你个老太太，躺了100多个小时，你怎么还没死呢，你想学木乃伊呀？唉·~你还跟人整个：“我是个菜市场卖菜的”。你是在里面吃生菜了吧，土豆、地瓜都在里面啃了吧，你那皮都咔嚓了吗？知道什么叫咔嚓吗？就是削，你削皮了吗？你就吃！这回，自个儿也不装是贵族，也不娇气了，还整个：“我们看见迷彩服，就看见希望了 ”。你看见大草地咋就没看见希望呢？那草都能吃，还能补充水分呢。

你平时都想什么来的，一个个儿的，你平时看见人家穿迷彩服的，都说人家是打工的，说人臭民工，说人捡破烂的，说人衣冠不整，你现在怎么来劲儿了呢？操你ma,你们一个个儿都震死得了，留下都是祸害，生的孩子都是祸根。

你们都想什么想来着，你说又让这边给你们捐钱，又让这边给你们捐，捐这些你们干什么玩意儿啊？啊？你知道这个地震吧，到底怎么回事昵？我分析吧，就是人吧，做事不能太过分，你知道吧，像你们四川吧，前一阵子，全不都是抵制法国货吗？这不火炬传递吗？这不传递到法国的时候来劲儿了吗？你们要抵制法国货，给你们这回地震了，看你们还传不传？
来劲儿？接着来呀！你有能耐你就使劲，你使劲看能震大点儿不？能看你们哪儿有多大劲儿，你能把地给掰开不？掰开你再给合上。

唉~还四川，又什么汶川，又什么北川的，你说你们那屁大点的地方，你说你们一个地方，一个县城就10来米呀？还是二十来米，还是百十来米呀？你多大点的地方呀？今天这震，明天哪儿震的，震100多回，你咋那么有劲呢？啊？

你说地震是没够还是怎么的？唉~我都怀疑，那些余震都是不是你们放屁嘣的呀？哎呀~你说没事闲着吧，人家震一回就拉倒了，你们自己人还维持这一点（不懂什么意思，听懂的达人可以补充），是不是因为四川太熊拉？你们四川人都上我们这边儿捡破烂来拉？你们那边太熊了，就想造点机会让我们多给你们捐捐款，啊？你有些事就直说呀，你没事就上电视，整什么电视台台标都没色儿，上个网，网页也没有色，干什么玩意儿呢呀？

行了，四川的朋友吧，姐姐就给你们说这些，年龄大的吧，我只能说，是你们……怎么说呢，是你们晚辈吧！这是给你的良言忠告，你们能死就赶紧死吧，别搁着憋着了，挺着也挺遭罪的是吧./]

文章来源于《傻猫网络日志》 http://www.samool.com/liao-ning-zhang-ya/2/

this girl makes me want to slap her hard enough to make her wake up to her senses. haiz.. her dad still have to apologise on her behalf..

&the beauty.

9:58 PM

didnt go for tuition yest..
instead, i was in sch, ushering an impt guest speaker, Dr Yeo Lay Hwee.
felt quite nervous when tera's unexpected phone call landed me in this role.
her 1st phone call got me running back to sch on a wed morning to attend a briefing cum rehearsal as a door ursher.
her 2nd phone call on thur got me realising how much trust my frens really have in me.
she wanted me to be one of the special urshers for one of the vips they have invited for the 1st ASEAN forum in nie.
when i voiced out my apprehension, she said, "i really need somebody i trust, n i trust u wanyee".
n so, i agreed to help her.
with this added responsibility, it also made me really nervous, afraid tt things will go wrong somehow becoz of me. but i just kept on breathing n telling myself tt things will be ok. n i cannot let my frens down.

even though i had to work until my back ached the day before the forum, i never really questioned why i am doing all these when this project isn't under my care. i just provided my manual labour unquestioningly, just helping my frens with no protests or disagreements.
perhaps its becoz of tt trust they had in me, i was willing to do anything to help them. n i really meant anything.

i enjoyed the short conversation with Dr Yeo, n getting to know a little bit more abt her research area. i also enjoyed the forum n the performance, even with the stress from the added responsibility. all in all, i'm glad i "forgot" abt the tuition tt i had n agreed to be an ursher for the ASEAN forum.

&the beauty.

11:17 PM

conducted grp tuition today..
first time doing it, n i was facing 4 girls at one go.
3 of them sec4, one sec5, all in the same sch.

at first i didnt know wad to teach them, coz they already finished most of their exams, n they were only left with english oral n POA. i can't possibly teach them for POA, so i had to guide them for oral.

wasn't easy at first, coz it was rather boring for them to keep reading short passages.
so after just 3 passages, with some pointers, i started talking to them.
training them for their conversation was my main aim, but i realised tt i dun really have skills for asking qns. so i ended up prompting a lot, but it helped tt they were rather willing to talk.

when the person i/c found a person to tutor them for POA, n the guy arrived, i left my seat, n continued waiting for the student whom i was originally supposed to coach.
in the end, he/she didn't turn up at all.
but wad made my day was when the girls asked me,
"are u coming back again next wk?"

they even told the person i/c tt my tutoring was fun.
haha this is the first lorz.
usually ppl see my face already get turned off.
well i'll be going back again next wk.
but i'm not sure how things will turn out when i start teaching them hist n geog.
hmm.. lets hope i can do some "story-telling"..

oh well..
gotta concentrate on finishing the finance report..

&the beauty.

8:48 PM

i'm dragging my feet over finance again..
haiz..
can't blame me, i've been feeling lethargic after my exams..
but alamak, my leader gave me a deadline..
so i have to start chasing ppl for money liaoz..

went to watch the forbidden kingdom just now..
its really nice! haha laogong expected me to cry when the golden sparrow died, but i didnt. instead, a couple of angmohs seated 2 seats away cried when the scene was being played.
laogong was having a gd laugh as he pointed out the 2 angmohs crying.
pretty obvious lehz.. its so weird to see others cry..

i've done nothing much ever since my exams ended..
other than spending time with laogong, i've went for a class chalet with my nie geog class..
rather fun playing on wii (thank alfie for bringing everything to entertain us!)
but after half a day of playing, my arms ached pretty badly for the next 2 days..
tt's how tiring it was, playing wii..
i rem how anna n i were forced to play boxing, just so tt the guys can find out whether the female characters on wii are designed to wear clothes or not..
n it was freaking tiring, so much so tt there was jubilation when my character fell.. i didn't even bother to revive my character becoz fighting is so exhausting!
n i remembered when we played the shooting game, we failed almost every mission even with 4 ppl playing!

i've been trying not to think abt my last exam paper.. but sometimes when it floats up in my mind, i got rather worried n paranoid..
i really hope nothing will go wrong..
at least let me pass..
i dun wanna retake tt module! :'(

&the beauty.

12:16 AM

new blog layout, new beginnings, after the exams.
gotta list down the things i need to do during the hols.

going cycling tmr!
hehe =P

&the beauty.

10:39 PM

i was on the bus today on the way home.
n when i was walking down the stairs to the door, the ppl sitting near the door looked up at me.
then it struck me: ppl always look at the stairs in curiousity when someone walks down.
so wad do ppl think abt when they first see me?
its a bit weird to be stared at sometimes, esp when there're ppl with similar traits as me.
no i dun mean tt i'm a "starer".. just tt my eyes work more than my other senses.
tt's y sometimes when i'm staring at someone unconsciously, the person can feel it.
my laogong had felt it many times liaoz.

so wad kind of 1st impression do ppl have abt me?
i'm curious abt it.

perhaps someone will be thinking: "wad an ugly face"

ahhh i seriously hope not.

can't wait for exams to be over.. haiz..
i think i'm going to flunk my geog..
luckily its the last sem of taking geog..
n last sem to have him in the same class as me (i hope)

&the beauty.

10:33 AM

angel has left s'pore today, her flight was at 7+am..

i din manage to wake up at 6+ to wish her a safe flight, but at least yest got to spend time with her, even if its just a few hrs.

we went to watch the movie below: Escape from Huang Shi.

it was really nice n well-worth the wk-end price for movies. its feels very historical, but very gd in knowing how lives were for ppl living under Jap rule in China. it reminded me much abt the nightmare tt i had last time, but tt fearful feeling has faded over time. perhaps its becoz it was only a dream. but i can't imagine how it would be like to really be living in tt kind of env, where fear surrounds u, n ur normal way of life was seriously disrupted.

the movie didn't end like those "happily ever after" movies tt we usually expect. the ang moh protagonist, George Hogg, died after resettling the boys in a safer place. n there were true accounts after the movie of how grateful the boys were to George Hogg for saving them. i really find it nice becoz he didn't fear death. he was really courageous to face up to the Jap soldiers again n again, n he truly wanted wad was best for the boys. n when he knew he was going to die, he didnt fear it.

alright better get back to my studies.. after really looking at the re-enactment of the Nanjing Massacre on the movie screen, i can't believe the Japs would still want to deny such a thing. no matter wad kind of national pride one has for a cty, such things cannot be hidden n white-washed into nothing. it just can't be done.

&the beauty.

10:13 PM

found this through my sis' blog..
pretty simple huh.. instead of answering so many qns..
but i dunno how true they are..

What Ho Wan Yee Means

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts.
You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it.
You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.
You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

damn it.. my exam starts tmr.. n its the dreaded rahil's paper..
i wish i can turn back time..

actually, i've been wishing tt ever since i came back from sikkim..
i know i know.. i should stop dreaming..
but dun forget, i'm silencedreamer..
so some part of my brain will always be dreaming..

&the beauty.

12:17 AM

its time to slp lahz..
but b4 tt, should update a little bit
to tell the truth, i'm beginning to lose track of time
n a lot of things were dragged till the last min to complete
even my assignments
but at the very least, i din sacrifice time with my dear fren to rush for my assignments
becoz it is impt for me, n for her, to get to spend time with me after not meeting for so long..
n afterall, it is to celebrate her 21st bday.

sadly, i was super forgetful,
i din msg her to wish her happy bday on the day itself.

sorry yiting..
i know i wished u in the card, n saying it now again is already 5 days late..
but i'll still say it lahz..

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY!!

legally an adult liaoz, so lets go n watch R21 shows together one day!

anyway, i changed my laptop skin!! spent a total of $43, including the pasting service provided by the person. its really a gd job done! =)
higly recommended: http://lappyskins.blogspot.com
haha lazy to take photo of my newly-skinned laptop.. shall post it next time after the exams lahz =P

ok lahz.. should slp le, n continue mugging when i wake up a few hrs later..
jiayou jiayou jiayou!!!

&the beauty.

12:19 AM

happy april fools!

oh gosh.. its hard to be happy when u still have 2 more assignments to rush for..

but on the gd side, i'm going with yiting on wed!!! haha =P

everything is put on hold just because of assignments n sch work.. even sikkim stuff are being pushed back again n again..
i seriously can't multi-task..
maybe i'm really more like a guy than a girl..
bleahz..

on a more sobering note, one of my fren's father passed away last wk.
we went to visit him on the same day.
he told us tt his father didn't want to be put on life support when the time comes, n if its God's will, no one can stop it.
n so he left peacefully.
it got me thinking, if it ever happens to my own parents one day, or even to myself, wad will be my decision? wad would i want it to be?
at this present moment, i would say tt i have no answer to tt.
i can say very frankly now tt if the time has come, i can do nothing to stop it.
but things will change as i grow old.
i would want to get married myself. i would want to see my children grow up, get married, have children, all the stuff tt most parents would want to see as well.
if i won't get to see it happen, would i still be ok with leaving just like tt?

i guess such a decision can only be made when i grow older..
or should i make it now?
we should make the best out of everyday, so tt we won't regret only when we're at our deathbeds.
such cliche words, but so true as well.

&the beauty.

12:52 AM

真的没想到，我已到了尽头。

我是不是做错了选择？

不敢多想，只想熬过这一关，再重新找回自己。

也许，那个打击比我想象还大。
少了一个知己，也少了斗志。
可是，回转时空是不可能的。
真的后悔了。

&the beauty.

10:58 PM

3 essays more to finish, n 1 more grp assignment, only 2 wks to rush for them.
its such a crazy life.

i think i'm gonna flunk my geog.

the only time i swore.
surprised 2 guys.
1 who heard me the first time, 1 who heard me when i repeated wad happened.
same reaction: wtf?!

i must be going mad.

why the hell did she give this grp assignment so freaking late?? is she crazy or something?

&the beauty.

12:06 AM

looking at my frens' blogs, i suddenly wondered, why the hell didn't i plan a proper bday party for my own 21st bday? n its now already march, more than a mth since i turned 21.
such an irony.. i plan for other ppl's bday, but i heck care abt my own.
perhaps, i treasure my frens more than i treasure myself.

我很累，真的超出想象地累。要振作，我不能够这么容易就倒下。
但，我不知道我还能撑多久。

will it ever be possible for me to have a more carefree life?

&the beauty.

10:49 PM

some meaningful stories tt i've seen..

~~~~~~~~~~
能力与机遇
作者：不详
在动物园里的小骆驼问妈妈：“妈妈妈妈，为什么我们的睫毛那么地长？”
骆驼妈妈说：“当风沙来的时候，长长的睫毛可以让我们在风在风暴中都能看得到方向。”　　小骆驼又问：“妈妈妈妈，为什么我们的背那么驼，丑死了！”
骆驼妈妈说：“这个叫驼峰，可以帮我们储存大量的水和养分，让我们能在沙漠里耐受十几天的无水无食条件。”　　
小骆驼又问：“妈妈妈妈，为什么我们的脚掌那么厚？”
骆驼妈妈说：“那可以让我们重重的身子不至于陷在软软的沙子里，便于长途跋涉啊。”　
小骆驼高兴坏了：“哗，原来我们这么有用啊！！可是妈妈，为什么我们还在动物园里，不去沙漠远足呢？”
　
天生我才必有用，可惜现在没人用。一个好的心态+一本成功的教材+一个无限的舞台=成功。每个人的潜能是无限的，关键是要找到一个能充分发挥潜能的舞台。

~~~~~~~~~~
Unwritten Pages
Written by William Oak
One evening a young woman was walking alone barefoot by the ocean after the sun had set. She stopped in her path and turned so she could see the footsteps she had left in the sand. But they had already been washed away by the waves.
When she turned to continue her walk, she was startled by the sudden presence of an old woman wrapped in a blanket sitting by a fire, slowly flipping through the leaves of a leather-covered book.
The old woman said, "Sit with me, child. I have something to show you."
As the young woman sat down beside the fire, the mysterious stranger handed her the book. She curiously turned the pages one by one and was amazed to discover they contained the story of her whole life from the early days of childhood to the present.
She then came to the page telling of her encounter with the old woman on the beach, but upon turning to the next page, she found it empty. She frantically began to turn the rest of the pages in the book only to find that they, too, were all empty. In bewilderment, she looked to the old woman and pleaded with her to explain.
"Does this mean my life ends this night?"
"No, my child," answered the old woman. "It means tonight your life begins."
At that moment the old woman took the book into her own hands and began to tear out each of the pages with words, throwing them one by one into the fire until all that was left were blank pages.
"You see," she said, "just as the waves washed away your footsteps in the sand, your past is forever gone, never to return. The only moment you ever truly possess is here and now. Each new moment is the beginning of the rest of your life and is to be lived to the fullest, for you will not have a chance to live that moment a second time. Most important of all, each new day brings an opportunity to love - one that may never come to you again.
As for your future, you are free to shape it as you wish, for it has not yet been written."
Then, as mysteriously as she had appeared, the old woman stood to walk away and disappeared into the darkness of the night.

~~~~~~~~~~
The Turtles
Author unknown
A family of turtles once decided to go on a picnic. Turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outing. Finally the turtle family left home looking for a suitable place for their picnic.
During the second year of their journey they found a place ideal for them at last! For about six months they cleaned up the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements.
Then, to their dismay, they discovered they had forgotten the salt. A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed. After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home. Although he was the fastest of the slow-moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. He finally agreed to go on one condition - that no one would eat until he returned.
Fair enough, the rest of the family decided, and the little turtle left. Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned. Five years rolled by, then six. Then, in the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger. He announced that he was going to eat and began to unwrap a sandwich.
At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out from behind a tree and shouted, "See! I knew you wouldn't wait. Now I am not going to go get the salt!"
Like the little turtle in the story, some of us waste our time waiting for people to live up to our expectations. We are so concerned about what others are doing that we don't do anything ourselves. We're so worried about how other people are going to let us down that we live in fear and suspicion.

~~~~~~~~~~
其实我们只有现在
作者：不详
长这么大，你若问我对哪个人的印象最深，我的回答一定会让你吃惊；如果你问我对哪句话感触最大，你听了也会觉得莫名其妙。是的，给我印象最深的是一个犯人，而且是一个即将被执行枪决的死刑犯，而他最后的几句话也让我铭记一生。
他说的是：其实我们每个人都没有过去，也没有将来，我们有的只是现在！
说这话的时候，他已被押赴刑场，持枪的警察问他还有什么话说时，他说了这么几句话。见警察似懂非懂，死刑犯解释道：过去的已经过去，将来的还是将来，我们的手抓住的时间只有现在。只有“现在”把握好了，又何愁没有将来呢！说到最后，从没滴过泪的他竟泪流满面……
死刑犯被枪决了，但这几句话却永远地留在了警察的脑中，后来这个警察——我的表哥又把这句话告诉了我，当时我在县城读高中，整天都跟一伙儿不读书的人到处溜达。听到这句话的时候，我也是似懂非懂，像当年的表哥听到死刑犯的“坦白”一样，也没把这事给放在心上。
真正弄懂是在一次班会后，有好几天没来教室的班主任竟讲了这个故事，而且同表哥所叙述的一模一样，说到最后，班主任的脸异常激动，用粉笔在黑板上写下了“千万记住”四个字。我们都不知道班主任为什么会如此激动，直到有一天，学习委员告诉大家：被执行枪决的那个人是班主任的弟弟，一个即将大学毕业的青年，为了一个女孩杀死了另一个男孩。我们这才明白死刑犯竟是那个看上去风流倜傥阳光气十足的小伙子。那时他放假后经常到学校来打篮球。
那之后，我们那一伙儿人终于散了，又回到了学校回到了书本，开始抓住“现在”。再后来，我们大都考上了大学，有两个没考上的第二年通过复习也考上了。

~~~~~~~~~~
still have assignments to pia.. haiz.. i feel so unmotivated..

&the beauty.

10:10 PM

也许，失去了他的友情，也让我失去了斗志。

我要摆脱这种感觉，我要找回自我。

&the beauty.

11:16 PM

there's so many assignments tt i need to finish, so many readings to finish, yet i dun seem to have tt kind of motivation to do all tt needs to be done asap. its like something is pulling me emotionally downwards for no reason, n i myself dunno wad it is also.

until laogong pointed out tt i have a few unresolved issues, namely sikkim.

i guess after experiencing all the fun n laughter in sikkim, i'm actually dreading the finance work. n yes, i am really tired of it. but i can't let it lie just like tt. all of my team members are waiting to get their money back. i need to get back my $5k. perhaps all these expectations are weighing me down.

or maybe something is making me unhappy.. but wad is?

&the beauty.

2:29 PM

just some photos to share.. taken in india when i was there in dec'2oo7..

feeling nostalgic..
dun really like this feeling of having one empty space in ur life.. as though something is missing..

&the beauty.

11:27 PM

today is valentines day! had lessons for the whole day though, so laogong n i only enjoyed a gd dinner today.. at fish n co!

there was a souvenir (tt we had to pay for) tt fish n co was giving to all couples (i wonder wad happen if the girl n guy aren't bgf..)

i find the idea quite cute, but erm.. paying for it wasn't so nice lahz.. haha..

eating at fish n co this time made me realise tt the standard is slowly dropping.. next time i'm going to manhattens fish mkt instead.. their flame-grilled prawns taste so much nicer!

&the beauty.

12:03 AM

ok this is super belated =P not tt i was lazing ard, i was super busy with work n other commitments.. like a busy bumblebee..
ok well my hist class frens n i went to the botanical garden on 2 Feb 2oo8. had a fun time being crazy, n hopefully this will not be the last time we're going out together!

this is us, at the gate of the botanical garden. from right to left: jeanette, angel, tera n me!

this is the fish food tt we bought to feed the fish after tt.. haha we refused to feed the fish near the entrance, coz we thought tt they are already well-fed by other tourists!

this is an interesting flower tt we saw, there was a black bee flying in n out of the flowers, possibly pollinating the flowers?

we went to the famous swan lake, but no, we didnt pretend to do the swan lake.. we saw this statue though, something new to replace the live swans?

we were happily feeding the fish n turtles living in the swan lake, n when we walked down further, we saw the sign below:

oh dear.. i wonder wad happened to make the fish sick.. overfed?

tt's us, feeding the catfish n turtles living in the smaller section of the swan lake.. haha.. the fish there were obviously hungry, each time we threw food inside, more n more catfish seemed to appear out of the water to eat..

went to the orchid garden, tt's angel reading the map n trying to find the toilet =P

tt's us, trying to act stupid =P

n tt's us jumping with joy! haha my camera not bad, also can take jump shots =P

well i'll let the rest of the photos speak for themselves..

haha after the tour ard orchid garden, we decided to spread out our sheets on the grassland n have some rest. but drops of rain suddenly fell on us, n when we were rushing for the shelter, angel n tera decided to act like a crazy maidens:

n well, jeanette became the "bag woman", n i became the "camera woman"..

after tt, we went to the symphony lake, n started feeding the turtles living inside.. they were also under-fed i think, all of them crowded ard n started snatching for food.. surprisingly, the fish weren't so eager for food..

we realised the rain had stopped, so we went back to the huge grassland n sat there to play cards!

after tt, we walked back to the swan lake again on the way to the entrance, n surprise! there was a swan paddling slowly along the edge of the lake, so near to us, n it was a great opportunity to snap a few photos of this graceful bird.

well having fun made us really hungry, so we took a bus to PS, n went to pizza hut for a snack!

the final satisfactory photo after so many shots.. haha.. artistic horz?

&the beauty.

10:17 PM

ok i've not updated for a super long time i think. been rather busy doing work.

but i still have a life haha..

went to Max Brenner on 25/1/08 with angel, adeline, terence, iggy n wayne. it was really fun crapping around on a fri night, with the stress thrown behind our backs for the time being.

this was wad i ordered: chiapas (cold white choco with red berries, creme de cassis n vodka). sinful but super nice!

tt's angel n me, getting ready to eat our choco fondue!

angel vs devil

terence, angel n me, enjoying our sinful drinks

n yep, enjoying the choco fondue!

after tt we moved on to harry's, n we ordered more drinks!

i ordered mango magarita, which taste superb! but i din really like drinking with the salt..

but angel love to drink with the salt..

well we din stay there for long, coz we wanted to catch the last train home. they din manage though, but at least they could still take the bus home.. it was really enjoyable chilling out with them, hopefully we can do it again soon! haha =P

&the beauty.

1:51 PM

i saw someone today in sch.. n i was abit stunned when i saw him..

yep, i saw him. he was in nie for voice production lessons, same class with alan. i'm taking tt same module, but i'm in thur's class. lol i suddenly wish i'm in tt class as well. but too bad, i have hist class during tt 3hr slot.

anyway i'm now waiting for my geog lesson, i feel so tired. today's Campus @ 938 Live was great. i was able to voice out one comment, wasn't as bad as i expected. maybe later i'll go n d/l the podcast n listen again :P

&the beauty.

12:01 AM

it feels weird to have 2 free days all of a sudden, even though yest i still end up having to go to sch for the BA club AGM, n then rushed for tuition.

as for today, i spent half the day waiting for the new cause of "excitement" to reach my house..

yep, this is it. a new workstation each for my sis n i, n a new cupboard. tt's my sis' workstation, mine is at the other end of the dining area. n the cupboard doors were chosen by urs truly. well my sis had the final say abt how the doors were supposed to be positioned. all these were bought from ikea, n the 2 delivery men fixed everything up for us. for quite a cheap price of less than $100, including delivery..

the rest of the day is spent doing work n arranging photos. its a little tiring staring at the comp n at the words in my readings for the whole afternoon, so i ended up falling aslp halfway through. now i'm wide awake physically, but my brain isnt functioning very well liaoz. have to prepare for my tutorial though, so i have to go through the readings as much as i can. *sighs*

now i'm looking forward to the end of the wk, coz i'll be meeting someone special on sat! haha pls dun think the wrong way, tt someone special is my dear xingle!! she's finally back from china!! i practically screamed into the phone when she called me on mon. i can't wait to see her again! haha lets see how much she has changed bahz (which i dun think is a lot :P) it'll be another shopping spree for the coming cny!

&the beauty.

9:27 AM

2nd wk of lessons almost gone..
just had my voice production lesson yest, it was really fun! but with my nose half blocked most of the time, i couldnt really breathe properly. so half the time i was breathing through my mouth, n it was difficult to speak without the "nose sound".

lessons been going on fine though, so tt's a gd thing. am trying to utilise the free time tt i have every mon n tue to do work n revise my work. so far wasnt tt bad, coz i really can concentrate in my own space. but the bad thing is tt, studying alone means tt u can't go toilet whenever u want to! haiz.. my bladder has to suffer abit before i dash to the toilet every time..

alright, gotta get back to my work.. can't afford to waste time le..
maya stuff going to keep me busy, with ba club events coming up pretty soon.. if not for my frens, i think i would have collapsed..

&the beauty.

10:20 PM

ok this is kind of late, since its already one wk after new yr..
but nvm, i 'll still make my new yr resolutions now..

1) i want to be a better fren to everyone ard me.
after i came back from sikkim, i realised tt i have neglected my close frens becoz of my assignments n responsibilities. even though they are understanding abt it, n they're busy as well with their own work, it doesnt mean i can excuse myself for not doing my part to keep in contact with them. within my own hist class, i have 2grps of frens, n when i get close to one grp, i drift away from the other grp. its difficult to meet up with them after classes becoz of our different schedules, n i never made the effort to arrange to have lunch with them. i must make tt effort n not limit myself to just one grp of frens.

2) i will work doubly hard in my studies.
last sem's results was not satisfactory to me, even though its ok in the eyes of others. i know some ppl won't agree with me, becoz getting Bs is still fine. but considering tt my CGPA is dropping sem after sem, its not possible for me to slack off n allow it to drop further. i dun regret working hard on the sikkim project, n i never will. but i've spent time doing other not-so-impt stuff, n didnt put extra time into gd use. this sem, with only 5 modules, i must really really buck up.

3) i will not push off my responsibilities.
its difficult dealing with money matters, esp for the sikkim team, becoz a large sum of money is involved. i have to admit tt i've kept on pushing off the paperwork tt has to be done. i must not continue on with this practice, becoz keith has promised the whole team tt they will get back the money asap. i dun want to have this heavy load weighing on me for long. i want to get back my $5000 as well. its hard work, tedious n frustrating, but i have to deal with it.

4) i will exercise more often.
for the past sem, i keep telling myself tt i should keep myself fit, n find time to exercise so tt i won't fall sick so easily in sikkim. although i had exercised more frequently, it was very short term. i should continue on with my exercises, to keep myself mentally strong as well.

5) i have to be less impatient.
i know i've flared up very often at home becoz of several reasons, n i should stop doing tt. its hurting myself, hurting the ppl ard me. even though they tolerate it, relations will become very strained.

6) i have to pack my things more often.
my table is still in a mess, with last sem's notes still lying ard. there's not enough space, but i can't throw them away. other things are stacked up on my table, n i dun know where else in my small house can hold all these stuff tt i can't throw away. cny is coming in a mth, so i have to pack everything by end of next wk, before my mum blast at me.

ok i guess this is all.. hopefully, everything will work out fine without me burning myself out.

&the beauty.

8:50 AM

first day of sch..
i shouldnt sigh over it lahz.. its only 1wk ahead of NUS..
but still.. 1wk makes a diff!!!

well had a mini gathering with team maya last wk.. it was fun catching up with them.. not really shocked to hear tt they're together liaoz.. oh well.. lets hope she treats him better than how his ex had treated him..

ok gotta run!

&the beauty.

8:19 PM

well it has been a rather short wk, considering tt i've been slping longer after coming back. time really seems to be flying by. funny thing is, after slping for so long, i still feel tired. perhaps i'm trying to catch up with the slp i've lost for 1mth.

i've seem to lost some kind of motivation too. still trying to find my footing. i dunno why it feels so hard.

hopefully i can regain tt drive before sch starts. i have to, i dun want to feel regret again.

&the beauty.

12:49 PM

ok this post is rather belated, but i'll still blast out the words here:
I'M FINALLY BACK IN SINGAPORE!!!!

maybe its weird n laughable to have this kind of feeling, but when my fren n i saw the familiar "durians" from the airplane window, we sorta screamed in happiness n high-fived each other. it is really really indescribable, the feeling of finally reaching home. home, where all my frens n family are. i've only been away for 1mth, but it really felt damn freaking long when i was in sikkim. furthermore, this was the 1st time i was overseas for so long n so far away (yes i know, india is still in the asian region, but i've never stepped out of the boundaries of malaysia for the past 19+ yrs of my life, so this time to get past tt boundary is a big thing for me). i nearly cried on the plane, just knowing tt within a few more hrs, i would be able to see my dear laogong n my family.

ppl have been asking how my sikkim trip was. i can only say one thing: a different kind of happiness. i've always been a happy-go-lucky person, even though alot of ppl dun see me tt way. over there, i really released my serious self, n was all smiles. at least, i put down all the load i had been shouldering for the past few mths, n truly enjoyed my experience over there. to be able to do tt is becoz of one person: keith. till now, i still can't thank him enough for giving me this opportunity to go on this trip. he probably won't be reading this, but i still want to thank him.

i took a lot of photos over there, trying to capture the mood n events i've been experiencing, but till now, i still feel tt the photos were inadequate to capture the kind of feeling i was experiencing. i'll still try my best to tell my story through the photos i've taken, but tt will be on another day. blogging abt the whole mth's experience needs a freaking long time. haha..

oh well, i gotta get back to packing presents for all my frens, n doing other impt stuff. i'll blog another day!

&the beauty.

11:20 PM

finally! exams are over!! woohoo~

now getting busy over sikkim stuff..
still gotta pack my own bagpack..

just 1 more day, n i'll be flying off!

"mumbai lah! india!" ~keith's indian accent

&the beauty.

7:32 PM

oops, been a long time since i last updated =P
finally finished all my assignments, but tt means its time to mug like siao..
i only have 7 days to my 1st paper, n in total, 12 full days for all my revision. 12 days divided by 4 modules, tt means 3 days for each mod.
this is really crazy u know.

but if not for the cramped schedule, i wouldn't have the chance to go for recce n have the opportunity to have 1 wk to adjust to the env in sikkim.
i can't wait manz..

anyway, i went shopping today with laogong! sadly, it was only shopping for impt stuff for my sikkim trip. presenting below..

1) my back pack! went to beach road to search for one, n ta-da! i bought this nice bag only at $70! saved me a whooping $50+ at least lorz..

2) my down jacket! a nice shade of baby blue which i absolutely love! hehe i'm so lucky lorz, to find one at only $100+, n its the colour tt i love =P

3) lastly, my gloves n snow cap (wadever it is called..) all blue, coz i love the colour blue =P

i think i only spent abt $200+ today on everything impt.. which is gd, coz i'm really tight on budget!

alright gotta study now.. haiz.. so sianz.. but looking forward to the end of it, coz tt means i would be off to sikkim soon!

&the beauty.

1:29 PM

was watching 1 litre of tears..
still havent finish, but left 2 episodes..
i think i cried through most of them..
haiz.. lucky i'm watching alone.. or else laogong will be laughing at me for crying over this..

its hard to imagine how ppl can stay strong even when they're faced with imminent paralysis..
aya is strong, but she has a weak moments as well
its amazing how much strength she had shown even when others gossiped abt her
i hope nothing of such kind will befall anyone around me..

alright better get back to my hist essay.. due tmr n still not finished..
haiz.. i suck at concentrating on my work..

edit: just finished watching the last episode..
i think i cried more than 1 litre..
suddenly wishing i have a shoulder to cry on right now..

&the beauty.

9:54 PM

another busy night for me..
doubt i can go n slp le..
haiz.. need to finish my geog assignment! but my mum is blasting her radio.. :'( even wearing earphones isn't helping much..

oh well.. shall perservere..
can't give up so easily..

luckily i only have 1hr lesson tmr..
at least i'll be able to rest after tt..

kambattee!!
(i welcome any donations of kopi tmr..)

&the beauty.

8:39 PM

a baby girl just made my day this afternoon..
i was rather tired just now after my lesson, n tormented by the pain in my arms after yest's injections.
on the mrt, i managed to slp for 3 stations, but after tt woke up.
saw this baby girl sitting in the pram. she looked at me, stared for a while, n suddenly smiled at me.
i was surprised, n smiled back.
she started grinning n making gurgling noises.
her grandparents also started laughing.
n i didn't really feel tired after tt.

even after the grandparents found seats n my back was towards them, the baby still looked at me n smiled at me.
it was quite weird, becoz she was only grinning at me n not to the rest.
i wonder if i look like her mum or someone familiar..

well, tt was a gd end for me today lahz..
at least i know i dun look so fierce afterall.. hehe :P

&the beauty.

11:39 AM

i should be doing my work lahz..
but hehe take a break first :P
i'm here to share 2 videos i saw while looking through the forums..

The Freaky Bros
haha i was laughing the whole time i was watching it, esp at the end when the host avoided the hand tt one of the brothers put up.

Kitten
this kitten is soooooo cute!!! omg i wish i can have one too! i dun mind watching it again n again lehz..

ok lahz i should get back to my work le..
enjoy the videos!

&the beauty.

8:06 PM

saw keith n the rest on the bus just now..
was talking abt the recce n the backpacking..
n i wondered, if i go for the backpacking as well, wouldn't i be really spending more than one mth in India?
n my christmas n new yr will also be spent there..
to be exact, 8 wks away from singapore..
8 wks away from laogong..

i'm super tempted to go backpacking, mainly becoz i believe it will be fun..
but without laogong.. somehow its just different..
going there one wk earlier means spending one less wk with him..
n going for backpacking means even lesser time spent with him..

so my answer to keith was still a "no"..

haiz..

3 essays to be done by 25 oct..
how fun..

must concentrate le..
can't slack off no matter wad..

&the beauty.

10:18 AM

term break is already half gone..
wad have i done so far?

other than completing the amt of work tt has to be done immediately to be handed in next wk, i din get to read n prepare for my assignments..

shucks..

i'm like a super busy bumble bee, just not so gd in transforming..
i wish tt there wasn't so much work available.. haiz..

pls let me have the strength to push on till the end..
i dun wish to see my grades suffering again..

someone kept telling me, "its all in the mind"
is it really true?
am i really tt weak mentally?
have i really tried very hard?
perhaps i havent pushed myself to my limit..
do we really have to push ourselves to our limits n make our body suffer just to achieve tt grade?
i'm so tired of such a life..
but is there any way out of it?
i dun see any other options available for me..

&the beauty.

9:51 PM

ok i should add some fun elements into my blog lahz.. brooding over sch work isn't very healthy..
anyway, a grp of us went to sigmund's house to celebrate his 21st bday on sun.. ivan, melvyn n i reached super early, even before the food arrived.. n so we rotted outside the function room..

tt's mel n ivan.. haha they're seen together 99% of the time.. if u dunno them well, perhaps u'll be wondering whether they're gay.. =P anyway, ivan is trying to look super awake in this photo.. haha.. someone didnt have enough slp i guess..

we indulged ourselves in pretty gd food, n then we had free ice-cream as well! ivan was in a rather goofy mood, so he allowed me to take the photo below.. haha.. moments when he's not in his usual cool style..

tt's him, trying to act cute sitting on the small rocking horse n eating ice-cream at the same time.. i guess studying too much does make a person go mad once in a while =P

n the 2 gd frens trying to get back the nostalgic childhood days..

a grp photo with the bday boy! legally a man le lahz.. haha.. we were crapping for quite a long time before sigmund came to take photo with us..

we left at abt 3pm, then went over to jess' house with ivan n mel.. she brought down a basketball, n we played for a while.. well not very professional lahz, esp when i'm dressed so nicely.. sweated like mad while playing.. abit unglam =P

the 3 of them, staring at the ball fly to the hoop.. n its a miss! oops =P

guess whether the ball is flying towards the hoop or away from it? hehe =P

the 2 guys are still rather energetic after playing for so long..

my 1st black-n-white photo taken of them! pretty nice huh =]

it was a really fun day, n it was great chatting with the whole grp of them.. haha..

ok i should get back to my work.. tmr there's a debate, n i have to give it my best shot.. i'm not gonna back down from my own stand! *fighto*

&the beauty.

9:53 PM

wow been so long since i last updated..
things have been resolved with the FPO side.. finally my GE is dropped!
luckily for me, or else i'll be really saddled with an F..

feel a little unfocused these few days.. its like something is not right..
i hope i can find a way to clear up the mess in my emotions..

i better get my work done asap..
i need some discipline!!

&the beauty.

10:29 AM

xingle has left s'pore this morning..
words can't describe how i feel lahz..

seems like there's some cock up somewhere..
how can i take the GE when my slot has been cancelled??
nvm.. i'll have to go to the VPA department again for further clarifications..
i hope i can resolve this soon..
getting an F isnt wad i have in mind..

perhaps i have been too naive..

oh well.. later there's a meeting for investiture..
n then its the night safari again!
too bad my cam is with my sis.. haiz..

&the beauty.

10:50 PM

ok i've not been updating on my activities these few wks, but sch isnt very exciting lahz..

went to catch fireworks last fri! it was breath-taking, but the photos taken didnt come out really nice.. should take videos next time. now we have another spot to view fireworks: at the padang! still can sit at the steps n watch.. haha..

on sat, went to novena square to walk ard with laogong.. was planning to use the vouchers, but in the end, we didnt see anything really nice n cheap enough to fit into my budget, so we went to united square instead to buy swensens ice cream cake! it was for the BA retreat at jessica's house.. i'll let the photos show u how tempting the cakes were lahz..

this is the choco truffle cake.. the ice cream is really thick lorz, n ivan broke the plastic knife when he was trying to cut it.. haha.. muscle man sia~

this is the cookies n cream cake tt i never got to taste.. haiz.. oh well..

after clearing up everything, mel, ivan n i went up to jessica's house, n we ended up chatting till 1+am in the morning! haha had to take taxi home after tt..

well just cleared off one presentation today.. i felt i didnt really do a gd job abt it, considering tt there was so much more i could talk abt n make things clearer to the class.. haiz.. now i have to concentrate on my geog essay outline tt is due this thur! n i have to finish my present for xingle real soon..

&the beauty.

11:27 PM

shucks.. the chionging starts so suddenly, i'm still not mentally prepared yet..
after 1 wk of travelling back n fro everyday, i feel tired already..
haiz.. wish i got a hall.. to reduce all the running ard! i feel tired just travelling..

oh well.. have a long list of things waiting for me to do.. 1st mth already have work to be submitted..
hooray~~ *resigned to my fate*

need to slp.. or else i won't be able to survive tmr..

kambattee!

&the beauty.

6:54 PM

the new sem starts today!! had to wake up at 6.30am coz i got lesson at 8.30!! but it wasn't as bad as i thought lahz.. after drinking 2 cups of kopi, i was able to stay awake n alert till late afternoon..
this wk gonna be quite slack, coz got national day celebrations tt is stretching for 2 days, n thur is national day! this means 3 slacking days! wow.. but fri got lessons lahz.. haiz..

i hate my fri now.. coz of my stupid timetable.. but at the very least, i can look forward to the end of my lesson.. coz i get to meet laogong after tt! =D

&the beauty.